waking up.....

i roam around aimlessly in the darkness......i still can't see but i didn't really care much..... being blind is much better than having to see the hopeless world around me....

my stab wounds are still bleeding, my left hand is still twisted... and i still can't feel my right leg...... thank god i'm still numb....

i regret......

i regret ever cutting the thread.... i regret thinking falling was the only hope..... i regret everything i've ever done..... i thought the pain of waiting was unbearable so i wished i didn't have to feel pain... now.... i can't feel anything..... i feel dead inside but i can't bring myself to cry...... and then suddenly.... i see someone.... a girl.... she looks just like u in every way..... wait... i'm blind...... how can i........

i don't bother looking for the answer.... i just stare at her.... and i.... i smile.... ever since i've been down here... i've never expressed any emotion... i never cried.... i never frowned... i never winced.... i never moved a muscle in my face..... and now i find myself smiling....

NO... i can feel.....NO..... the numbness wears off...... NO....

my whole body explodes in pain.... i'm now fully aware of the pain i'm in.... it feels like there's an inferno in me and burning from the inside out.... i fall.... my head hits the ground hard and i shake uncontrollably on the ground.... i scream till my lungs start to burn.... and then i pass out from the immense pain.....

when i wake up..... i feel like i'm suspended..... i look around... everything's white.... i can see... i look at myself.... no cuts....no wounds....my limbs are all in working condition.... i look up.... i see the familiar black thread leading up into infinity.... i look down..... just pure whiteness......

heaven?

no.... i still feel the knife in my back.....it was all some weird twisted and morbid dream......

i'm never gonna jump.... never gonna cut the thread.... i guess i'm just destined to hang here... waiting..... until you.... or anyone else....


saves me